This is a record of experience that has been de-identified, risk-screened, and language-organized; the original author's identity, region, or identifiable details are not retained in the text.
From social drinking to a habit, it took him more than twenty years
When he was young, he worked in sales and started drinking at age 23, saying it was for social occasions. Back then, drinking until he was unconscious was common. I advised him against it, and he said, "I have no choice, this is how the job works." Later, he changed jobs and social drinking decreased, but he still drank. One day it was "to unwind," the next it was "to pass the time," and it gradually became a habit—he felt uncomfortable if he went a day without drinking.
At first, I didn't take it seriously, thinking, well, he's a man, drinking a bit is normal. But over time, I noticed something was wrong. He no longer just drank in the evening; sometimes he would pour himself a glass at noon, saying "just one sip," but that one sip often turned into half a jin. With baijiu around 50 proof, half a jin to over a jin, he would drink and then collapse into sleep, and when he woke up, he would look for more alcohol.
Hidden bottles of alcohol began to appear in the house. In the wardrobe, under the desk, behind the toolbox—I could always find them. He hid them, I searched, and we argued countless times. He said, "Isn't it just a little drinking? My old father drank his whole life and was fine, so why can't I drink?" I had nothing to say, because it was true—his father had always been in good health.
But in my heart, I knew he was different from his father. His father had a small cup with dinner every day; he drank from morning to night, until he staggered when walking.
The hardest part is not knowing when the next episode will happen
In the past two years, his drinking capacity has grown, and in severe cases, he drinks at all hours. He has fallen several times after drinking; once he hit his forehead on the corner of the coffee table and bled a lot. I was so scared my hands were shaking, but he said, "It's fine, it's fine, I just lost my footing."
I started to control him and not let him drink. He reacted with strong emotions, arguing with me, saying I didn't understand him, saying this was "his only hobby." After arguing, he would go out and come back with the smell of alcohol on his breath—I knew he had gone to buy more. I tried pouring out all the alcohol in the house; he yelled at me and then went out to buy more himself. I tried taking away his wallet; he would borrow from colleagues or use the spare change in his WeChat.
For a period, I worried almost every day: Will he drink too much again today? Will he fall again? Will something happen to him at work? I couldn't sleep well at night and would always get up to check if he was still breathing. That feeling was like a stone hanging over my heart, not knowing when it would come crashing down.
The most severe episode was when he had a seizure, with his limbs convulsing. I was terrified and called the emergency number. Only afterward did I learn that this was a withdrawal symptom of alcohol dependence. When he didn't drink, his hands would tremble so much that he couldn't even get food to his mouth, and he also had heart palpitations and high blood pressure. He told me, "I don't want to drink either, but if I don't, I feel awful, my whole body feels awful." It was only then that I realized this wasn't a problem that could be solved by "not letting him drink."
Alcohol addiction is a disease, not a bad habit
Later, I looked up a lot of information and learned that alcohol dependence is a disease. After long-term excessive drinking, the body becomes dependent on alcohol, and withdrawal symptoms appear when one doesn't drink. The first thing he does when he wakes up in the morning is look for alcohol, because after a night of metabolism, the alcohol concentration in his blood drops, and he experiences hand tremors, nausea, and restlessness—symptoms that disappear after a sip of alcohol.
He drinks secretly, not because he craves it, but because he fears withdrawal symptoms. He is afraid of upsetting me and of hurting the family, so he can only hide and drink. He has become increasingly self-centered, and his friends are fewer and fewer. He used to enjoy fishing and playing chess, but later he stopped doing anything; the center of his life was drinking. He is afraid of losing control in public, so he restrains himself outside and then drinks to his heart's content at home alone.
I gradually understood that it wasn't that he didn't want to quit—it was that he couldn't. He tried stopping on his own, but after a few days he couldn't bear it: hand tremors, heart palpitations, high blood pressure, and the worst episode was the seizure. It was then that I realized that quitting alcohol on one's own is very dangerous, and severe withdrawal symptoms can be life-threatening.
The boundaries of companionship: what I can do and what I cannot do
Over the years, I have kept thinking about what I can do. I tried reasoning, arguing, giving the cold shoulder, and hiding the alcohol—none of it worked. Later, I realized that I am not a doctor, and I cannot make him quit by "managing" him. What I can do is accompany him in facing this disease.
I started talking to him, not about "you should stop drinking," but about "how is your body doing." I accompanied him to get check-ups—liver function, blood pressure, nervous system—and with the data right there, he gradually acknowledged the problem. I didn't force him to quit immediately; instead, I first learned the correct way to stop drinking. I know that people with alcohol dependence find it very difficult to quit on their own and need professional help.
At the same time, I am learning to protect myself. In the past, when he drank too much, I would stay up all night watching over him and have a headache myself the next day. Later, I realized I couldn't sacrifice myself too. He needs my support, but I also need boundaries. Rest when it's time to rest, and seek help when it's time to seek help. I contacted family members and also consulted professional institutions—not to shift the problem to others, but to have more people face it together.
Now he is receiving professional treatment. After successfully quitting, one must remain abstinent for life, because even a small amount of alcohol can quickly return one to the previous state within days. I know this road is long, but at least we are no longer carrying it alone.
Alcohol addiction is a disease, not a bad habit; family members need support, and they also need boundaries.