This is an experience record that has been de-identified, risk-screened, and language-edited; the original author's identity, region, or identifiable details are not retained in the text.
From my birth to now, there has never been a time when he was sober
My father is 52 years old this year and has alcohol dependence. Ever since I can remember, he has hardly ever been sober. Even when he doesn't drink, he is in a daze, sitting in front of the computer playing games all day, or going out to play mahjong. He drinks, but his tolerance is extremely poor. Every time he gets drunk, he shouts and yells and smashes things. For a period of time, he would come home drunk in the middle of the night and argue and fight with my mother; at another time, he would shout and curse at my mother outside the door, and bang on the door. Almost every door in the house has been kicked in by him—repaired, then kicked in again.
He has broken his nose, smashed his face, ruined his phone, and had his car and wallet stolen after getting drunk—these things are too numerous to count. Once, he was mistaken for someone else while drinking and was beaten half to death. But none of this affects him; he still drinks as usual.
The two most memorable incidents are etched into my bones
There are two times I will never forget. One was when he set his own clothes on fire and then cried and wailed downstairs. The other was when he stabbed himself during an argument with my mother. These images have been carved into my mind and have become all my childhood memories.
This influence is too profound—profound enough to be etched into my bones. I later learned that many people with anxiety or depression also have alcohol, nicotine, or drug addictions. When I myself am extremely anxious or depressed, I also compulsively force myself to do certain things, like smoking two packs of cigarettes in one night, or binge-eating until I vomit. I think my father's situation may also be due to anxiety—some psychological problems he can't even perceive himself.
That argument—I lost control, and it terrified the whole family
Once, I got into an argument with my father. I am someone who cannot get too emotionally agitated; once I do, it triggers a panic disorder and I completely lose control. That day, I was very quiet, then suddenly became a different person, shouting furiously and condemning the impact his drinking had on me, listing the offenses that could become lifelong shadows. At that moment, things got out of hand and scared everyone in the family. After that incident, my father rarely got drunk and went on rampages again. He still drinks, but in smaller amounts.
Later, I thought that perhaps it was also due to my grandfather's parenting style, as well as my mother's influence, that he developed anxiety over time. They divorced in 08. I didn't like them being together—they would argue whenever they were together. After they separated, and considering my situation as well, it seemed my father's psychological burden was lifted. I'm not entirely sure, but I feel he has gotten somewhat better than before.
My stay at the psychiatric hospital showed me another possibility
I myself have been hospitalized for treatment at a psychiatric hospital. Most of the patients there were middle-aged; some had very severe alcohol and smoking addictions, but they all recovered quite well. The psychiatric hospital prohibits smoking and drinking, and forbids bringing sharp objects that could cause self-harm—even glass mirrors are not allowed. There is a regular daily schedule, with fixed times for treatment and classes, and nurses supervise medication intake. Depending on the specific condition, doctors provide different solutions.
That experience made me realize that many alcohol addictions are rooted in psychological issues. If conditions allow, one might consider going to a psychiatric hospital for an assessment. But the prerequisite is that the person themselves is willing, or that family members can gradually guide them. If there is strong resistance, take it slowly and be patient; avoid saying too many denying or disapproving things, as that will only make the person more resentful and resistant. Show more concern for them, and try to understand whether they have any inner suffering or any physical illness. There's no need to ask too directly—you can casually talk about what's been happening in your own life, or any frustrations you have, and ask when the timing seems right.
Looking back now, my greatest gain has been learning to protect myself. After that loss of control, I realized that my own emotions also need to be taken seriously. My father's change may not have been because I scolded him, but because he saw my pain and saw that this family could no longer go on like this. I can't predict what he will be like in the future, but at least I am no longer the child who could only hide in her room and cry.
If you are going through something similar, you can check out the content on family support, or first take the self-assessment to understand your family member's situation. Every step is difficult, but take it slowly—change will come.
Children of families with alcohol addiction must learn to protect themselves first as they grow up.