This is a record of personal experience that has been de-identified, risk-screened, and linguistically organized; the original author's identity, geographic location, or identifiable details are not retained in the text.
From controlled to out of control: buying several days' worth of alcohol and locking myself in the bedroom
From 2017 to 2022, over five years, I developed severe alcohol dependence. This is not simply "liking to drink," but a disease that can change a person's mind and values. How severe was it? I would buy several days' worth of alcohol in advance, come home, lock the bedroom door behind me, and drink continuously for days. I drank, slept, woke up, and drank again, barely eating. Family bonds, friendships, normal work, and daily life all fell into complete disarray.
At the time, I did not realize I was losing control. Before every drinking session, I told myself, "Just a little today," but once I started, I could not stop. Alcohol became everything in my life; nothing else mattered.
Repeated hospitalizations and relapses: I stayed in both open and closed wards
After my family noticed something was wrong, they took me to the hospital. I stayed in both open wards and closed wards, but the results were limited. Shortly after each discharge, I would start drinking again. The relapse rate for alcohol dependence is very high. I was hospitalized repeatedly, and I also thought about quitting drinking myself and returning to a normal life.
I tried to quit on my own, but the withdrawal symptoms were agonizing. Night after night of insomnia, profuse sweating, trembling all over, and a racing heart. It felt like my body was fighting back, and I simply could not endure it. Every time withdrawal symptoms appeared, I would pick up the bottle again and tell myself, "I'll quit next time."
The hardest part was that night: in the psychiatric hospital, I thought my life was over
My family had no other options, so they finally committed me to a psychiatric hospital. I was admitted after drinking, and my hands and feet were restrained because I needed a blood draw the next day. Anyone who drinks knows that alcohol dehydrates the body, and words cannot describe how thirsty I was. That night was the hardest of my life; calling it hell would not be an exaggeration.
In the psychiatric hospital, I kept thinking: Is my life over just because of drinking? That sense of despair was suffocating. I repeatedly replayed what I had done over the past few years—the family bonds and friendships I had lost, and the normal life I had given up. I even felt I might never get out.
The turning point: professional treatment combined with a strong desire to quit
The turning point came five months into my hospitalization. A relative of mine lived and worked in Beijing, and he knew a doctor at Beijing Anding Hospital, so he recommended I go to a major professional hospital. I went to Beijing with the last shred of hope. At that point, I had a very strong desire to quit drinking. The doctor also provided psychological counseling, combined with medication, and I was discharged after one month of hospitalization. The doctor was especially concerned about my condition and told me to come back for follow-up immediately if anything came up.
After returning home from Beijing, I did not waste a moment. Within a few days, I found an ordinary job locally, and I have been working ever since. I have now been sober for nearly three and a half years, during which I have not touched a drop of alcohol, and I am still at the same company where I started. With my family's help, I bought a house and a car, and my life is back on track.
Looking back at everything during my alcohol dependence period, didn't I get through it after all? A person's ability to adapt in an extremely low point is incredibly strong. No situation can make the sky fall; as long as there is even a glimmer of possibility, there is always hope.
If you or a family member are going through a similar struggle, you can check out more real stories or learn about treatment pathways to find the right next step.
Recovery from alcohol dependence requires both professional treatment and personal willpower; losing control is not the end.