This is a de-identified, risk-screened, and language-edited account of personal experience; no identifying details about the original author's identity, location, or other recognizable information are retained.
From the first drink, I couldn't stop
I clearly remember the starting point of my loss of control over drinking. At some point, I no longer knew when it began, but as soon as I touched alcohol, I had to drink until I was drunk. At every gathering, I was the last one still asking for more drinks and unwilling to leave. Sometimes when I couldn't drink freely outside, I would continue drinking at home until I was drunk. This state lasted for many years, and I once thought it was just a sign of "loving to drink."
But the truth was that I had absolutely no control over how much I drank. Even a single sip would set off a chain reaction that I couldn't stop. My family began to complain, saying that once I drank, I became a different person—irritable and rambling. At first, I didn't care and thought they were overreacting. But gradually, I realized that my life and relationships were being eroded by alcohol.
I tried every method, and the longest I lasted was three months
After realizing the problem, I tried various ways to quit drinking. For example, I tried to tough it out with willpower, telling myself, "Just one drink today," but the result was often drinking myself into unconsciousness. I also tried reducing the frequency of drinking, limiting it to weekends only, but every weekend turned into several consecutive days of heavy drinking. The longest I went without touching alcohol was less than three months, after which I returned to a state of being dead drunk every day.
These failures made me feel desperate. I even wondered if I was "weak-willed" or "useless." But later I came to understand that this was not a matter of willpower—alcohol dependence is a disease with its own patterns and trajectory. Just as the body cannot fight off an infection on its own, I could not quit drinking through sheer determination alone.
The disease doesn't discriminate, but society only stigmatizes those with alcohol dependence
Alcohol dependence is not widely recognized as a disease by society. People use terms like "alcoholic" or "good-for-nothing" to refer to those dependent on alcohol. What bothered me most was not my own situation, but the judgmental looks my family had to endure because of it. Neighbors gossiped behind our backs, and at family gatherings, someone would directly say, "Your husband drank himself into ruin."
I've compared it: if someone gets cancer, everyone sympathizes and feels sorry for them; but if someone has alcohol dependence, almost everyone looks down on them and their family. This double standard kept me and my family living in the shadows. My mother once said tearfully, "When other people's children get sick, everyone sends flowers; when your dad drinks, everyone avoids us." This pain is heavier than the alcohol itself.
The severity of alcohol dependence goes beyond the physical
Many people think alcohol dependence is just "drinking too much and damaging the liver," but it's actually far more than that. Long-term heavy drinking can lead to cirrhosis, liver cancer, upper gastrointestinal bleeding, and other problems. More insidiously, it can also trigger delirium tremens—a state of confusion, hallucinations, and loss of physical control that requires immediate help. In the most severe cases, people with alcohol dependence may face life-threatening danger.
But even more painful than the physical effects is the emotional isolation. Family members live in constant anxiety, not knowing when the next drinking episode will happen or whether something will go wrong. Children are mocked at school, and wives feel humiliated at work. Alcohol dependence as a disease swallows up the lives of all those close to the person. It is not just one person's problem—it is a family's ordeal.
Finding a mutual support group was the starting point of my sobriety
After trying countless methods, I happened to learn about Alcoholics Anonymous (AA, also translated as a mutual aid group for quitting drinking or an anonymous sobriety fellowship). It is a completely free organization that relies on mutual support and encouragement among people with alcohol problems to help them quit. It was founded in 1936 and is widely recognized worldwide as an effective method for quitting drinking.
I joined AA in 2017. Here, no one judges you, and no one gossips behind your back. Everyone has been through it and shares their experiences and struggles. Through regular meetings and one-on-one mutual support, I gradually learned to face life without alcohol. As of February 26, 2019, I had not touched a drop of alcohol and have remained sober ever since.
This process has not been easy. Sobriety is not a destination but a daily choice. But at least, I am no longer toughing it out alone. If you or a family member are going through a similar situation, you can try to learn about mutual support options. The first step to change is acknowledging that this is a disease, not a failure.
After sobriety, family relationships began to heal
After quitting drinking, the most obvious change was not in my body but in the atmosphere at home. My wife no longer avoided answering the phone when I was around, and my children dared to laugh and chat at the dinner table again. These small things were once out of reach. Of course, healing takes time—trust is not destroyed in a day, nor is it rebuilt in a day. But at least, we have a new starting point.
Looking back now, the most frightening thing about alcohol dependence is not the drinking itself, but how it gradually steals away your role as a husband, father, and son. If you are also struggling with something similar, please don't give up. Try seeking immediate support or learning about family support resources—you are not alone.
Alcohol dependence is a disease, not a moral failing, and mutual support is a viable starting point for change.