This is an anonymized experience record that has undergone risk screening and language refinement; it does not retain the original author's identity, location, or identifiable details.
Those Characters All Seemed to Be Drinking
I've loved anime and video games since childhood. Recently while revisiting some old works, I noticed many female characters had close relationships with alcohol. For example, Haruko Kamio from AIR would always drink two glasses after returning home from work. Since Misuzu couldn't drink, she'd find Yukito to drink with, often getting completely wasted. Then there's Karura from Utawarerumono, who rarely got drunk—while others were stumbling around, she could still wield her weapon in battle as if nothing happened. Shizuko from Natsuiro Kiseki also frequently drank beer at home after work to relax. These characters reminded me of someone—my mother.
I Used to Not Understand Why She Had to Get Drunk
As a child, I couldn't comprehend why my mother drank. Every day after work, her first action was opening the fridge for a beer. Sometimes it was baijiu, poured into a cup as she sat alone at the dining table slowly drinking. She spoke little while drinking, her expression neutral, but I knew it wasn't relaxation. Once when she overdid it, she sat blankly on the sofa, unresponsive to my repeated calls. At the time I found her annoying—why was she like this? Only as I grew older did I gradually realize she was drowning sorrows in alcohol. Just like Haruko, who drank to cope with stress after learning of Misuzu's deteriorating health, my mother had her own pressures—work, family, uncertainty about the future. She never explained in detail, but those bottles spoke for her.
The Hardest Part Was Never Knowing When It Would Happen Next
My mother drank frequently, almost daily. What I feared most was her drunken state. Unlike Karura with her high alcohol tolerance, or Shizuko who just sipped lightly, my mother would sometimes lose emotional control when drunk, saying hurtful things; other times she'd become extremely withdrawn, locking herself in her room. Most unsettling was never knowing whether she'd overindulge each day. The moment I opened the door after school, the presence or absence of alcohol in the air signaled how the evening would go. That smell made my heart sink. This uncertainty tormented me more than the drunkenness itself. I'd also seen Morrigan from Tears to Tiara—she never refused alcohol and behaved outrageously when drunk. Though fictional, that sense of "loss of control" felt familiar.
Behind the Drowning of Sorrows Lies Unspoken Pressure
I gradually realized my mother drank not because she wanted to, but because she needed to. She needed a way to cope with things she couldn't handle. Like Haruko drowning sorrows or Karura drinking alone to relieve boredom, the reasons were similar—confusion about identity and future, helplessness against life's troubles. My mother was the same. Coming home from busy work to drink seemed common, but her level surpassed "relaxation." She relied on alcohol to endure difficult nights. As her child, beyond worrying, I didn't know what to do. I tried persuading her to drink less—she'd agree verbally but continue the next day. Attempts at conversation would inevitably lead her to fetch more alcohol. I even considered hiding bottles, but that only made her more irritable.
Seeing These Characters Was Like Seeing Her
These anime characters gave me new understanding of my mother. They didn't get drunk intentionally or disregard family. They were simply suffocated by life without better outlets. Karura worried about tribal matters, Haruko agonized over her daughter's illness—my mother had her own untold story. I used to think her drinking was her fault, a lack of strength. Now I understand it wasn't her failing. She just needed help, needed someone to see her pain rather than just her bottles. These characters made me realize alcohol dependence isn't an individual issue—it affects whole families. Just as the relationship between Misuzu and Haruko shaped AIR's tone, alcohol problems have consistently influenced interactions between my mother and me.
Next Steps: What Can I Do?
I don't know if my mother can quit drinking or how long it might take. But I know I shouldn't just complain or fear anymore. I've started trying to discuss things she enjoys during sober moments, or accompany her on outings. I've also researched alcohol dependence online, discovering many share similar experiences. This isn't our family's unique problem. If you're going through something similar, know you're not alone. Recognizing the problem is the first step toward change. We might not solve it immediately, but at least we can break the silence. For more information, you can check resources about family support or take a simple self-assessment to gauge the situation.
Behind alcohol dependence often lie unspoken pressures and loneliness.