This is an anonymized experience record that has undergone risk screening and language refinement; it does not retain the original author's identity, location, or identifiable details.
I Kept Avoiding It, But Avoidance Isn’t the Solution
I have an alcohol-dependent father with a drinking habit. My approach has always been to avoid him. I’d finish my work and go straight to sleep. Forgive me—I’m still pursuing my Ph.D., and sometimes I have to stay overnight at home since it’s close to campus.
I remember a saying: "We don’t provoke trouble, but when trouble comes, don’t fear it." A taxi driver who often gave me rides during my university days in Tianjin told me this. I never expected those words to become useful later.
Avoidance was my default. When he drank, I retreated to my room; when he yelled, I stayed silent; when he threw things, I pretended not to hear. I thought as long as I didn’t touch the powder keg, life could limp along. But the truth is, alcohol turns people into someone else—and you never know where that person’s bottom line lies.
The Hardest Part Is Not Knowing When It’ll Happen Next
Late at night, he got drunk again. He started picking fights, hurling insults, growing increasingly vicious. I tried urging him to go to bed, but he refused, only growing more agitated. In that moment, I knew: tonight, there was no avoiding it.
I took out my phone and started recording. When he saw me filming, he charged at me to hit me. I didn’t fight back—just steadied the phone, capturing everything. He hit me wildly, swung a chair, hurled a metal box—I didn’t retaliate. I told myself: keep the phone steady, preserve the evidence.
That night, he was brutal. When the police arrived, he immediately backed down, stammering excuses without making sense. I showed the officers the video, and they promptly reprimanded him. I smiled bitterly and waved it off. I didn’t dare stay home that night—who knows what an alcohol-dependent person might do when drunk?
Later, I learned he’d broken one of his own ribs. Absurd, right? I’d been hit dozens of times with a chair and a metal box, yet he was the one with a fracture. I guess I’m tough… ha. But I knew this wasn’t something to celebrate.
Not Fighting Back Isn’t Weakness—It’s the Clearer Choice
Let me share what I’ve learned: when dealing with alcohol-dependent individuals or bullies, don’t provoke them—but if they provoke you, don’t hide either. Always record video to protect your rights. If an alcohol-dependent person attacks you, don’t fight back. Focus on keeping the phone steady, even if you’re being hit.
If they escalate severely, consider defending yourself. But my approach was: don’t retaliate, just document. Because once you fight back, the nature of the incident changes. You go from being a victim to a participant in mutual violence, and even the police won’t be able to untangle it. Video is the most powerful evidence—it doesn’t lie.
I’m not advocating passive acceptance. I’m saying that in such situations, the best way to protect yourself isn’t brute force but using rationality against chaos. The calmer you are, the more powerless they become.
Now He Doesn’t Dare Rage at Me Anymore
As for my father now? Nothing much has changed—we coexist normally. But he no longer dares to rant at me or unleash drunken fury.
After that incident, the "rules" between us shifted. He knows I’ll document, knows I won’t tolerate abuse, and knows the police will side with evidence. He hasn’t quit drinking, but at least around me, he’s restrained. This isn’t victory—just a temporary balance.
I know many families like mine struggle with alcohol-dependent relatives, unsure what to do. Endure, and you suffer; resist, and you risk escalation. My advice: don’t endure, but don’t fight either. Let evidence speak, involve third parties—it’s the least harmful, most effective approach.
If you’re in a similar situation, consider exploring family support resources to learn how to protect yourself while helping your loved one. You can also take a self-assessment to gauge the severity of their drinking behavior.
When facing violence from an alcohol-dependent family member, documenting evidence is more effective than direct confrontation.