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From "a drink to liven things up" to "feeling awful without a drink"
Before, he only drank during holidays or gatherings with friends, when everyone raised a glass for the fun of it. I didn't think much of it—men have to socialize, after all. But later, he started drinking more and more often, going from two or three times a week to every day, and his tolerance kept growing. A bottle of beer used to make his face red; now half a jin of baijiu goes down and he's perfectly fine.
I began to feel something was off. It seemed like alcohol was on his mind all day—the moment work ended, he'd rush off to the dinner table. On days he didn't drink, he'd be restless and uncomfortable in his own skin. Once, he went on a two-day business trip without bringing any alcohol. When he came back, he told me those two days felt like cats scratching at his heart, his hands shook so badly he could barely hold a cup. At the time I thought he was just tired. Only later did I learn that was his body "demanding alcohol."
The hardest part is never knowing when the next episode will happen
After drinking, he became a different person. He used to be quiet but even-tempered, but once alcohol touched his lips, his emotions flared easily. When I urged him to drink less, he'd turn on me instantly—throwing things, cursing, sometimes even shoving me. The next morning, sober, he'd be overcome with regret, apologize, and swear he'd never drink again. But within two days, he'd pick up the bottle again.
During that period, the atmosphere at home was extremely tense. Our child would hide in the room the moment he came home, and I didn't dare say much, afraid one wrong word would set him off. Every day I was guessing: Will he drink too much today? Will he lose his temper again? Living in constant dread like that was more agonizing than any argument.
The body began sending danger signals
His health was clearly deteriorating. Once, he tried to stop drinking, but within half a day he started shaking, sweating, feeling his heart race, and experiencing nausea and dry heaving. He said it felt like his heart was about to jump out of his chest, and his face turned ashen. I was terrified and rushed him to a nearby clinic. The doctor said it was withdrawal reaction and told him to drink a little to ease it. But I knew this couldn't go on.
Years of drinking had led to a diagnosis of fatty liver and high blood pressure. The doctor said if he kept drinking, his liver would face serious problems. But what scared me most was that he occasionally had hallucinations—seeing shadows of people on the wall or hearing voices cursing him. That was when I realized this was no longer just "liking to drink."
Family relationships eroded bit by bit
What broke me wasn't his illness, but his out-of-control state after drinking. When sober, he was a good father and husband—he'd help the kids with homework and do housework with me. But once he drank, he became irritable and aggressive, even showing danger signs that required immediate help. Once, after drinking, he got so agitated he nearly hurt himself, and I had to ask a neighbor to help hold him down until he calmed himself.
Our child asked me: "Why does Dad always drink? Does he not love us anymore?" I didn't know how to answer. I knew he did love us—he was just controlled by alcohol. But this life was truly becoming unbearable.
We began to face "alcohol dependence" head-on
Later, I researched a lot and learned that his condition is called "alcohol dependence"—it's a disease. It's not weak willpower or irresponsibility; it's that both his body and mind have become dependent on alcohol. The reactions during withdrawal—shaking, heart palpitations, nausea—are withdrawal symptoms that require professional help to get through safely.
I also realized that toughing it out on our own wouldn't work. He tried quitting by himself several times, but each time he gave up because the withdrawal symptoms were too unbearable. Once, he even showed signs of a seizure and had to be stabilized in the emergency room. The doctor said that for people with severe alcohol dependence, suddenly stopping drinking can trigger serious complications and must be done under medical supervision.
Next step: seeking professional support
Right now, we're looking into medical help for quitting alcohol. I know this path isn't easy, but at least we're no longer struggling alone. If someone in your family is in a similar situation, I want to say: this is nobody's fault, but it needs to be faced and help should be actively sought. A little more understanding and less blame among family members may be the beginning of change.
If you or a family member are going through something similar, you may want to look into family support information or use the self-assessment tool for an initial evaluation. Every step is hard, but taking the first step brings you closer to change.
Alcohol dependence is not just "liking to drink"—it affects your body, emotions, and family relationships, and it needs to be faced and treated with help.