This is an experience record that has undergone de-identification, risk screening, and language editing; no original author identity, geographic location, or identifiable details are retained in the text.
It feels awful not to drink, but worse after drinking, and in the end he drank while crying
I saw a family member change completely because of drinking. He used to be gentle and spoke slowly and methodically, but later, as soon as he touched alcohol, he became irritable and would throw things and curse over the slightest thing. At first we thought he was just under too much pressure and urged him to drink less, but he always said, "I feel awful if I don't drink."
Only later did I understand that that kind of discomfort was not ordinary craving. He described the feeling: when he did not drink, it was as if ants were crawling inside him, he could not sit still, and his hands trembled so much he could not even hold a cup steadily; after a sip, it was temporarily relieved, but before long the discomfort returned, so he kept drinking. In the end, he drank from morning to night every day, crying while drinking, unable to stop. He said he knew it was wrong, but he simply could not control it.
That state was like being possessed by something; his behavior and will were no longer governed by reason. When it was severe, he even showed dangerous signs that required immediate help—such as clouded consciousness and incoherent speech. Only then did we realize that this was not simply a "drinking problem," but an illness.
Addiction is not just to alcohol; any substance or behavior used to regulate emotions can become addictive
After looking up information and consulting doctors, we learned that addiction is not limited to tobacco or alcohol. Any substance or behavior used to regulate emotional states can become addictive. For example, some people are obsessed with gaming and cannot stand even one day without playing; they know it is bad, yet they cannot control it, and they live in both pleasure and pain.
In daily life, most people may drink a little for enjoyment without it affecting their lives. But there are indeed some people who develop various problems after drinking heavily over a long period. They want to quit but find it very hard, and may even experience anxiety, depression, insomnia, and other discomforts; the more painful they feel, the more they want to relieve it by drinking, forming a vicious cycle.
That is what happened with my relative. At first he only drank a little at social engagements, then it became a daily habit, and later the first thing he did after waking up was look for alcohol. His mood became increasingly unstable, and the family had to be very careful when talking to him, afraid of saying something that would set him off. The whole household was shrouded in tension, never knowing when the next outburst would come.
Alcohol dependence affects not only drinking behavior, but also threatens physical and mental health
The doctor told us that alcohol dependence typically manifests in both psychological and physical aspects. Psychologically, patients have a strong craving for alcohol and cannot control the amount or frequency of drinking; physically, once they stop drinking, withdrawal symptoms appear, such as trembling hands, sweating, palpitations, and insomnia, and in severe cases, hallucinations or convulsions may even occur.
These symptoms make patients even more dependent on alcohol, because they feel that only drinking can make them "feel a little better." But in fact, alcohol only worsens damage to the nervous system; over time, memory decline, poorer judgment, and emotional loss of control become increasingly serious. The change in my relative is the best example—he went from being able to work and socialize normally to being unable to handle even everyday matters, thinking only about drinking all day.
When more than 3 of the above conditions are present, alcohol dependence may be suspected. At the time, we checked and found that he matched almost every one. Although addictive disorders are difficult to manage, the doctor also clearly told us that they are treatable.
Switch from high-alcohol drinks to low-alcohol drinks, gradually reduce the frequency, and slowly change the habit
The first step of treatment was to make him realize that he needed to change. But it was impossible to make him stop drinking all at once, because both his body and mind had already become dependent. The doctor suggested first switching from high-alcohol to low-alcohol drinks, gradually reducing the number of drinking occasions, slowly changing the drinking habit, and reducing dependence.
At the same time, his diet also needed adjustment. Meals should be light, avoiding heavy-flavored fried and grilled foods such as barbecue. This is because such foods are usually enjoyed together with alcoholic beverages, and seeing these drinking-related foods can also trigger the desire to drink. We began cooking with fewer seasonings and making more vegetables and soups, so he could slowly get used to eating without drinking.
This process was not easy. Sometimes he would lose his temper and say, "Even food doesn't taste good anymore," but we persisted in accompanying him, without blame or complaint, just quietly removing the bottle and handing him a cup of water or tea. Support from family is very important, because patients themselves are struggling too; they need to know that someone is on their side.
Early identification and family support are important steps out of difficulty
Looking back, if we had taken it seriously when we first noticed the increased frequency of his drinking and emotional changes, perhaps it would not have become so severe. But regret is useless; what matters is to start acting now. Alcohol dependence brings a great deal of suffering to both the drinker and their family, but it is treatable.
Later, we took him to see a doctor and received professional assessment and guidance. Although the process had setbacks, at least he no longer drank from morning to night every day, and his mood became somewhat more stable. The atmosphere at home gradually relaxed, and we could finally sit down and enjoy a meal together without worrying that he would suddenly lose his temper.
Here I want to say to family members who are going through a similar situation: do not feel ashamed, and do not give up. Drink in moderation and keep control; excessive drinking can very likely lead to alcohol dependence in the end. If you notice that a family member has undergone a major personality change, cannot do without alcohol, or feels terrible during withdrawal, seek help as soon as possible. Protecting your own health and caring for your family matters more than anything else.
If you want to learn more about early identification of alcohol dependence and methods of family support, you can look at these resources: Self-Assessment Questionnaire and Family Support Guide.
Alcohol dependence is treatable, and early identification and family support are key.