This is a de-identified, risk-screened, and linguistically edited account of one person's experience; no identifying details about the original author—such as identity, location, or recognizable specifics—are retained in the text.
From Social Drinking to Drinking Alone: Alcohol Became His Whole Life
At first, he only drank for social business. At the dinner table, with glasses clinking and drinks exchanged, I thought that was just how adults socialized, so I didn't pay much attention. But gradually, things changed. He no longer needed any reason—he would shut himself in a room and drink alone. When happy, he bought alcohol to celebrate; when down, he turned to alcohol for comfort. Almost anything could become an excuse for him to drink.
What worried me most was that he didn't even skip drinking while taking care of the child. Once, I came home from work and found the child locked in the room—he had run out to buy alcohol. At that moment, I was both angry and scared—the child was so young; what if something happened? But when he returned, he just said casually, "It was only a moment."
I tried to talk to him, even fought with him, but he always said, "I can't do anything without a drink," as if alcohol had become his medicine. I knew then that this was no longer ordinary drinking.
Hiding Alcohol and Losing His Job: The Family Slowly Eroded by Alcohol
His parents also saw the problem. After repeated attempts to persuade him failed, the older generation had no choice but to hide the alcohol at home. But he always managed to find it, and even took up the habit of stashing his own supply: under the bed, in the wardrobe, in the toolbox—bottles could be hidden anywhere. At work, he also found ways to slip out and buy alcohol, sneaking a few sips every now and then.
The result was predictable: he lost his job because of his drinking. Once he lost his income, he went from bad to worse, staying at home all day with a bottle never far from his hand. His body also gave way: first he was diagnosed with alcoholic liver disease, then alcohol poisoning, and he began to talk incoherently and became irritable. The doctor said this was a mental disorder caused by alcohol dependence, involving visual and auditory hallucinations.
During those days, I lived in constant fear. I never knew when he would erupt again, or when the next danger signal would appear. Our child was affected too, always asking, "What's wrong with Dad?" I had to take care of him while comforting the child. I was truly exhausted, both physically and mentally.
The Cycle of Detox and Relapse: Hopes Dashed Again and Again
He also thought about quitting. Once, he drank the last bottle at home and then said to me, "I'm going to quit." I believed him. I went with him to the hospital, where he underwent forced detoxification. While hospitalized, he indeed stopped drinking. But within a few days of discharge, he couldn't resist the temptation and picked up the bottle again. Detox, discharge, relapse—the cycle repeated itself, over and over.
Every time he quit, I clung to hope, thinking this time it would work. But each relapse sent a tidal wave of disappointment and helplessness washing over me. I began to doubt myself: Was I not doing enough? Should I have been stricter with him? But later I understood that this is not a problem that willpower alone can solve.
His parents also searched everywhere. They heard that a neighbor's relative had cured alcohol dependence through surgery. They saw hope and took him to find that doctor, but when they reached the hospital, they were told the doctor had already left. Over the next few years, they kept searching until they saw the doctor's video online and confirmed that he was now working at another hospital. Without hesitation, they bought plane tickets and rushed over.
Finding Professional Help: Finally Seeing a Different Path
At the hospital, the doctor told us: alcohol dependence is an addictive brain disease, not something that simple "abstinence" can resolve. Traditional forced detoxification can temporarily stop the drinking, but it cannot control the psychological craving for alcohol, which is why the relapse rate is so high.
Later, he underwent stereotactic brain surgery. This is a minimally invasive technique that uses imaging-based localization to intervene on the nerve centers in the brain associated with addiction. After the surgery, he no longer thought about alcohol all the time. His temper also became much milder—he was no longer irritable and prone to outbursts. Recently, his condition has been stable; the incoherent speech and mood swings have disappeared.
As his partner, my biggest takeaway is this: alcohol dependence is not a matter of "weak willpower" or "not trying hard enough"—it is a disease. We used to try to solve the problem through persuasion, arguments, and hiding alcohol, but those measures only treated the symptoms, not the root cause. Only by recognizing that it is a brain disease and seeking proper medical help can one truly break out of the cycle.
This road has been long, with exhaustion and disappointment along the way, but in the end we found our direction. If you are going through something similar, I want to say: don't give up, but also learn to protect yourself. Companionship matters, but boundaries matter just as much—you cannot quit drinking for him, but you can walk with him toward the right path.
Learn how to provide support for family members
Alcohol dependence is a brain disease that requires professional treatment; a partner's companionship and boundaries are equally important.