Out-of-Control Days: When Alcohol Becomes the Sole Focus of Life
Three years ago, my daily routine was firmly nailed down by a bottle of baijiu (Chinese liquor). The first thing I did when I opened my eyes in the morning was look for alcohol, and at night I couldn't fall asleep unless I drank until I blacked out. I lost my job because of frequent lateness and mistakes, and on the day my wife left with our child, I didn't even have the strength to speak up and ask her to stay. At that time, I felt there was no possibility of turning my life around.
Many people ask me why I didn't stop even after drinking to that extent. The truth is, it wasn't that I didn't want to stop—it was that I couldn't. The moment I stopped, my hands would shake, my heart would race, cold sweat would pour over my whole body, and there was only one thought in my mind—just one more sip and it'll be fine. Later I learned that this wasn't just a matter of willpower, but that my body had already developed a severe dependence on alcohol. Relying solely on "gritting your teeth and toughing it out" is not only painful, it can also be dangerous. That's why, in the end, it was my family's insistence that brought me to Zhengzhou North Hospital.
Inpatient Detoxification: How I Got Through Those Hardest Days
Right after admission, the withdrawal symptoms hit fast and hard. I couldn't sleep all night, I was extremely agitated, and I even experienced brief hallucinations. It felt like I was being torn apart from the inside out. But unlike the times I had tried to quit drinking cold turkey at home on my own, this time there were medical staff watching over me around the clock. Based on my condition, they used medication to gradually stabilize my nervous system, minimizing both the risks and the suffering of the withdrawal process.
Many people misunderstand inpatient alcohol treatment, thinking it's just about being locked up and not allowed to drink. In reality, the most important thing during those days was medical monitoring and support. The doctor explained to me repeatedly that severe alcohol withdrawal can trigger delirium tremens or seizures, and it must be managed in a professional environment. That was the first time I realized that quitting alcohol isn't something you can just "tough out"—it is first and foremost a medical process that requires scientific intervention. If you want to learn more about the details of withdrawal safety, you can check out the Alcohol Withdrawal Safety Guide.
Finding the Root of Psychological Dependence: It's Not That I Didn't Want to Quit, It's That I Didn't Know How to Face Life
Physical detoxification was only the first step. What was truly difficult to deal with was that inner urge for "just one more sip." During my hospitalization, the psychotherapist and I traced back through the course of my drinking, and I slowly came to see clearly: I never drank because I liked the taste of alcohol, but to suppress emotions I couldn't put into words—feelings of failure at work, helplessness in intimate relationships, and long-suppressed anxiety.
The therapist didn't lecture me with big principles. Instead, she guided me through a very concrete task: building new coping strategies. I started using exercise to release stress instead of drinking, even if it was just brisk walking in the hospital corridor; I used drawing to record my emotions—it didn't matter at all whether the drawings were good, what mattered was getting out what was stuck in my chest. I also learned basic skills for communicating with family, such as how to express needs without exploding, and how to pause for ten minutes when emotions surge. These skills later became my most important tools for preventing relapse after discharge. If you're not sure whether your current drinking pattern already constitutes dependence, you can try the Alcohol Dependence Self-Assessment Questionnaire—it can help you evaluate your situation more objectively.
Discharge Is Not the Endpoint: What I Did Behind Three Years of Sobriety
Many people think that once you walk out of the hospital gates, you've successfully quit drinking. In my experience, discharge is precisely where the challenge begins. Returning to your original living environment, old habits and old triggers can pull you back at any moment. The first thing I did was insist on attending the mutual support group recommended by the hospital. There, I heard from many people with experiences similar to mine—some of them had already been sober for five or ten years, and their very existence was a source of strength.
The second thing I did was return to the hospital regularly for follow-up visits. Not waiting until I felt like drinking to go, but treating it as a fixed anchor point, just like chronic diseases require regular check-ups. The doctor would adjust my follow-up plan based on my condition; sometimes it was just a brief chat, but that feeling of being continuously cared for let me know I wasn't fighting alone. The third thing was rebuilding the order of my life. I found a new job, starting from the most basic position, and rebuilt my sense of self-worth through a stable routine and income. My wife and child also came back, but this isn't a fairy-tale ending—we spent a lot of time repairing trust, and we are still learning how to get along better to this day.
If you are going through a similar predicament, what I want to say is: change is indeed not easy, but it is never too late. What matters is finding a scientific, sustainable path rather than toughing it out alone in the dark. If you want to understand the complete treatment pathway, you can check out the Recovery Treatment Pathway Description.
For Those Still Struggling: A Few Actionable Suggestions
Looking back on these three years, I've summarized several principles that have genuinely worked for me, hoping they can serve as a reference for you. First, don't wait until you're "ready" to act. I also felt I wasn't ready back then—it was my family who gave me a push. Action itself brings the courage to change. Second, treat quitting alcohol as a process that requires professional support, not a test of willpower. See a doctor when you need to, take medication when you need to, and ask for help when you need to. Third, build a "relapse prevention toolbox"—it can include contact information for people you trust, meeting times for support groups, and a list of activities that can quickly divert your attention. When the craving hits, don't think—just grab something from the toolbox and do it. Fourth, allow yourself to occasionally have recurring thoughts; that doesn't mean failure. The key is that before a thought turns into action, you already have coping methods in place.
Three years sober, I wouldn't dare say I have already "conquered" alcohol. I prefer to describe it this way: I have learned to coexist with this risk, and every day I choose a healthier lifestyle. The road is long, but every step is worth it.